Okay you guys so I’m about 5 months into my “going gray” grow out and my kids finally noticed. Last week, my just-turned four-year-old goes, “Mama, you have some white on your head.” I’m like yeah. I do.
Society is all ???
Also people in the community have started to notice and are reacting too. I took the boys to get their haircut and the hairdresser said, “This may sound crazy but your hair would look so good that color!” The bagger at Whole Foods told me he was going to dye his hair white for Halloween. And some other guy I was in a training with asked me, “Did you dye your hair like that?”
Every single time I get a question or a comment like this, it takes me off guard. It almost feels like someone is commenting on my weight, height or nationality. Like, kinda inappropriate. But after some more thought, I think I take it back. Society has been conditioned to think that woman should have brown, blonde, red (whatever color – anything but gray hair) until they are well into their 70s. And when people see anything that deviates from this norm, their system misfires and it’s like “can’t compute….can’t compute…”
So it took a little bit of digging and self-reflection but I realize I can’t blame the guy who blurts out, “How old are you!?” It’s not his fault – it’s a condition of our culture. It’s the communal push pack of the aging process. It’s the surgeries, the hair dying, the going to the ends of the earth to find the proverbial fountain of youth….All of this is creating skewed expectations of what a 40-year-old woman should look like.
And I’m not saying it’s my way or the highway. Honestly, to each their own. Everyone is on their own journey and PS Kumbaya. But what IS helping me through this transformation is realizing the stares and whispers and blunt questions are not really about me. It’s fallout from the push back.
Ma, Are We There Yet!?
I would also say at the beginning of my grow out it was really exciting and new but now it’s been almost 5 months and I have about 2 full inches of gray and I’m like – can we just get on with it!? Like this in-between look is just not cutting it. I think when I get to another inch or so I will chop it. I’m thinking a cute pixie or something but that scares me too because I’ve never had my hair that short. But I’m so over this 1/2 and 1/2 look I’m ready to do almost anything!
And just as much as I’m like. Let’s get on with the show! I am equally like: OMG is this really happening? Now that my hair is getting really white on top, every time I look in the mirror it’s mixed feelings of WOW + Is that me? + Wait! I don’t want to do this! + Dang ma! Your hair is going to look so good!
I also kind of want to dye my hair white in the front for some fun flare but my hairdresser said the lifting process would cause a lot of breakage. She said one time she had a client who dyed her hair white/silver and the client always wore her hair in a bun and one day her bun fell off. So maybe I wont do that.
Also I saw my first gray eyebrow hair so there’s that.
But then I also got carded at the wine store the other day so…there’s that too.
But apparently I’m not the only one going through this….If you want to continue the going gray hair topic, check out episode #4 of my friend Sarah’s Selfie Podcast – Her and co-host Kristen talk about the decision to go gray and also the importance of using a silver wash shampoo – like a purple shampoo? What am I missing?
Lastly, what’s the deal with gray hairs. It’s like all of a sudden they lose their pigment and then get a mind of their own? Brown hair is shiny, smooth and bouncy. Then sans color it sticks straight up, it’s wiry and has a mind of it’s own?! The other day I looked in the mirror and I swear I had one rogue gray hair sticking 4″ straight up in the air. Like if I go for the pixie, am I really ordering up a porcupine?
But Say I’m Not Ready To Go Gray
Lastly, I get a lot of questions about what hair dye I recommend. So here’s the deal. First, let me say the decision to go gray for me was not product driven per say. Although I was fed up with dedicating 3-6 hours a month dying my hair – it was more than that. You can read all about why I decided to go gray here. And for my friends who are ingredient aware and want to make healthier decisions, I have two recommendations.
Oway is a brand that I used a couple of times. They actually wouldn’t send me samples so I had to buy an entire case and have it shipped to my local hair salon so I could try it. I ended up buying 12 applications and only used three of them. BUT from asking around, this brand seems to use the lowest % of PPD in it’s formula while still being strong enough to work and I can personally say it does a great job at covering grays. But because it works, that means it employs toxic chemicals. You can get the run down here on what I mean by that.
And the other product I can recommend wholeheartedly is Hairprint. I used this product exclusively for 14 months and I have a ton of before and after pics on my website. The formula is next-level and calls on 8 food grade ingredients and one inert thickener. That’s it. My only gripe is that it’s DIY and mama ain’t got time for that. Oh and it really only works for people with single process dark hair. But none the less, IT WORKS. Check out my experiences here:
- Hairprint Review
- Hairprint Application Tips
- Hairprint Updates June 2016
- Hairprint Updates August 2016
More On Going Gray
Here are are few more posts I’ve written about my experience if you want to read more:
- Going Gray: Why I Stopped Dying My Hair
- Going Gray: 3 Months And Counting
- Going Gray: 5 Months and Counting
- Going Gray: (at 40!) 8 Months and Counting
- Going Gray: It’s Been A Year!
- Going Gray: A Transformation Both Inside and Out
Would love to hear your experience or thoughts in the comments! One thing that has helped me continue on with this process is the support from all of you! Seriously, hearing your encouragement and praise has made this experience really exciting and enjoyable. Would love to continue the conversation here so others can benefit too!
Until next time!
Photos by my girl Jenn at Monkey + Squirrel